god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
