Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
