You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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