Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
