Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
