the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
