Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
