I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
