i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
