Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
