At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
