I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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