I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
