I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this boner is exhausting
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
