I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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