We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
