VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
