also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
