take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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