ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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