Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
