this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
