I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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