sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
