I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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