Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
