I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
