I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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