Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
