Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
