i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
