Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
