Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
