So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
