I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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