the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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