if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
