Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
