Will you blow on my dice?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
