I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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