i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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