Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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