Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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