I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
