how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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