Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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