party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
