I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
