Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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