im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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