how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
