I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
