He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
