you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
